Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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