all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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