Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
