Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
