My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
