Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she peed on how many people?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
