it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
