so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
