I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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