she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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