dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
