She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
