I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My cat gives me a boner
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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