The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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