please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
