We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
