i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
