i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
