i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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