I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
