god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
