she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
