no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
