I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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