i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Enjoy the penises
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
