Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
