i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
