what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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