In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
