At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
