I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
