We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
