only if we run a train.
done.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
