just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
