i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
