how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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