soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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