Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
