for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
