So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
