he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
