remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
