Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
