I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
