i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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