Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
