Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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