Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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