You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
