Jerry, you need to find god
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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