Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
