Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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